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  • Writer's pictureDillan Taylor

Are we allowed to feel bad?

A toddler playing with their stuffed dinosaurs.

Me and my thoughts yesterday.

I had a really shitty day yesterday.

After showering and getting dressed for my three back-to-back coaching sessions in the morning, I sat down in my office. Of the three calls scheduled, one canceled last minute, and two didn’t show up at all. 0/3.

Sometimes I welcome a canceled call for the extra free time. But three in three hours took an enormous mental toll.

Waves of financial anxiety and doubts of self-worth came rushing in. I even made a Twitch account out of spite. I mumbled: “Stupid coaching. I’ll just be a streamer. Coaching is stupid anyway…”

Whenever this happens it feels like two entities are competing with one another: Logic and Emotions.

Logic was telling me:

This is not even close to the end of the world. • Lots of people in lots of places have it WAY worse than you do right now. • Why are reacting this way? • People would kill to have your problems.

But despite all this, my Emotions kept rubbuting:

• This fucking sucks and I’m sad.

I felt it in my eyes and face. It was like my vision was slowing down.

Luckily, I had a fourth session scheduled in the afternoon. My goal was to not bring any of my energy from the day into our conversation.

We did our session and it was amazing. He had incredible insights, he made me laugh, and we had a lovely deep dive into his thoughts and fears.

Only after we finished did I tell him about my day. He said he could tell something was up simply from my body language when we hopped on the Zoom. I thanked him for his time and for making my day better.

In the evening, two of my best friends invited me over for dinner. I was a bit nervous because I was doubting my ability to have a clear and present conversation.

On top of that, one of the friend’s dads just had a funeral. How could I deserve to complain about my day when she just buried her father?

It’s not a competition

We swapped stories and it was bittersweet to hear her discuss the anxiety and closure-filled week. When she asked about how I was doing I figured I’d just be candid and open up.

They both listened to every word I said and showed nothing but love and support.

When I admitted it was weird to talk about my “problems” knowing they had just gone to her dad’s funeral, she immediately responded: “It’s not something to compare.”

Really good peoples.

We drank wine and played with their dog and my grey day drifted off like storm clouds. The tension in my eyes was gone. I just felt grateful.

Lessons

1) It’s possible to both a) acknowledge our good fortune and b) feel sad…at the same time.

2) One of the most important things to have in life is friends to whom we can open up wholeheartedly without being judged or scorned.

3) We will never arrive at a day where we’re completely safe from shitty things or negative emotions. We can only improve our skills in handling them and ask the people around us for help.

4) I’m going to be a professional streamer.

5) Lol jk.

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