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  • Writer's pictureDillan Taylor

How to Use Your Friends

Let me clarify.

Here are a few things on my calendar this week:

• Business consultation with a friend. He’s a business owner and we exchange my coaching sessions for his business advice and strategies. Business.

• Session with a certified life coach. I met her through a mastermind group and she gives me weekly sessions as I recopy and redesign her website.

• Personal training session with my buddy who is a fighter and trainer. I’ve given him coaching sessions and he gives me weekly fitness sessions where we do HIIT workouts and boxing drills.

• Coaching session with my writer friend. I give her biweekly coaching sessions. She proofreads and edits my writing.

My point: Are you surrounding yourself with skilled and valuable friends?

Obviously, when I say ‘use’ your friends, I say it tongue-in-cheek. I don’t mean you should only cultivate professional relationships with others.

But many of us think friendships are those of unconditional love. I don’t think that’s true.

Real, unconditional love is rare. My mom, for example. When I’ve been my worst self, to when I’ve been my best…she has loved and supported me 100%. That’s incredible, but we shouldn’t count on that.

The vast majority of relationships–no matter how much love is involved–last because each party gets some sort of value of out them.

You love your funny friend because YOU love to laugh.

You love your friend who listens well because YOU love to be heard.

You love your partner because they make YOU feel safe, free and loved back.

Technically, we don’t do anything without our own self-interests in mind. Even when we donate money to charity, we do it because WE want to be helpful or to seem helpful.

There’s nothing wrong with this “selfishness.” If it makes us better people, if it makes our lives better, and if it makes us more valuable to others…that’s a wonderful thing.

What value do you provide your friends?

What value do they provide you in return?

Use them. Be used.

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