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  • Writer's pictureDillan Taylor

Is people-pleasing so bad? (pt. 1)

Two weeks ago, I ran a workshop on people-pleasing, saying No, and protecting our time and energy.

It was lovely to hear a group of friends, family, and colleagues collaborate and share stories and ideas.

The underlying notion of the conversation was that people-pleasing is bad and should be avoided. But then one of my coaching friends posed a challenge.

“I think people-pleasing gets a bad rep,” she said. “Sometimes it’s totally justified to do something we don’t feel like doing for the benefit of ourselves and especially others.”

I needed to hear this.

In the self-improvement and entrepreneurship worlds, it’s normal to hear things like:

If it’s not a Hell Yes, it’s a No. No is a complete sentence. Say No to most things.

What I realized as my friend was sharing her thoughts was that all these ideas are contextual. If we’re running a business, these rules are quite helpful. We can’t say Yes to every opportunity. We’d get distracted and pulled in too many directions.

But part of having healthy and fruitful relationships is being selfless for those we care about. Again, my friend made an excellent point:

“If you say No to five invites in a row, don’t get upset when your friends stop inviting you to things. Plus, how many times have you gone to something you didn’t want to go to…and you ended up having a lovely time?”

I love when I have my mind changed. Since this discussion, I’ve been more cognizant of saying Yes to things which would bring me closer to people…without burning myself out.


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