Wordsmith prompt #3: Describe the biggest lie you’ve ever told.
While no highly specific example comes to mind, for the majority of my life (until quite recently), I’ve given off this persona of extreme confidence and assurance in myself, my actions, and my words. That’s almost always been a lie.
For as long as I can remember, I’ve been void of confidence in my abilities. My (inner) self-confidence has always been what has held me back the most. At times I seem certain of my capabilities, but deep down I’m thinking, “There’s no way you can pull this off.”
I’ve always cared about what people think about me. Always. I think most of us are like that and if you say otherwise you’re either lying or lack proper self-awareness. Lately, I’ve been learning how to channel all this energy. I try to care about what the right people think about me.
Also, a phenomenal antidote for lack of confidence (which I’ve written about many times) is finding a difficult task that you love, doing it over and over again, and getting better at it. In this arena, martial arts has been that muse. I’ve learned about how to respect others’ abilities as well as my own, how to become better by using discipline, the difference between deliberate and pleasurable practice, and how I handle getting my ass kicked…literally.
As I’ve been getting my shit together in recent days and months, I have more days where I feel excellent about the things I do and say, but this demon never goes away entirely. I’ll always question myself. I’ll always wonder if I’m doing the right thing for my life and the lives of others. I’ll always debate whether I’m helping people or hurting people. Always.
I’m curious…What’s the biggest lie you’ve ever told?
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