The story in all of us
My coach said something revolutionary yesterday on our weekly group call.
Whether it’s in coaching or just in our day to day lives, the vast majority of us create stories in our minds that stop us from taking action. We construct these requirements we must meet before we do what we want to do—often times they’re requirements that are impossible to meet.
“I just need to be more confident.” “I need to be fearless.” “I’m not ready yet.”
All to which he likes to ask:
“How confident have you decided you need to be?” “How does you being afraid have anything to do with you doing it?” “What’s the exact date when all your requirements will be met to make you ready?”
The conclusion for me was that when we challenge our stories, when we put them up for scrutiny, we eventually see that they’re all a load of bullshit.
These have been my most powerful stories:
• I’m not a businessman—I could never run a successful business. • I’ve been single for most of my adult life—I don’t have what it takes to be loved by another. • I’ve never not lived “paycheck to paycheck”—I don’t know how to make money.
What lovely stories. Let’s put them to the test.
What does not having business savvy have to do with me trying to help as many people as I can? That’s all I’ve been doing for the last year and I’ve been able to quit my full-time job and pay my bills with this thing I’ve created entirely on my own. People have actually come to me for advice on how they can grow their coaching businesses.
What does being single have to do with people loving me? I have been loved—by women, by friends, by my family…Being single has been a super fun way to live in my 20s. Of course it’s nice to have someone, but I’ve enjoyed the freedom to work on myself and make decisions entirely based on my own wants and needs. I’m not waiting to be right for someone; I’m waiting for someone to be right for me.
Check check. Bullshit.
Okay, but this last one has to be true. I’ve always sucked with money.
What does me never having a ton of money have to do with my ability to increase my income? By simply following my process of having as many fun and powerful conversations as possible, May of 2021 has become the first month I’ve ever made over $10,000. I didn’t do anything different that I didn’t do in April. If I didn’t know how to make money, how the fuck would that be possible?
So I’m curious. What are the stories you tell yourself that keep you from taking action? What requirements have you decided you must meet before you do what you really want to do?
I’d love to hear about them.